The Definition of Consensual Non-Consent

 

Has the thought of your partner pinning you to the bed while you're writhing beneath them and trying to escape ever made you feel attracted to them? Do you ever want to engage in violent, primal Good Sex Movies in your dreams? Perhaps you find it seductive to picture your partner being so overly horny that they literally rip off your clothes before pinning you.

You are not alone if you are already feeling hot and bothered after reading this. In fact, there is a phrase consensual non-consent, or CNC that could be used to describe the kinds of fantasies you enjoy. Being forced "against your will" into fantasies, even though you're actively involved in the plan and loving every second of it, indicates that you may be into this typical kink (and yes, it is a pretty common one, but more on that later).

If you're unfamiliar with CNC, you might be unsure of the ethics or safety of this invention. Absolutely reasonable! Consensual non-consent is definitely on the intense side in terms of sexual kinks, fantasies, and turn-ons. In fact, the name itself may seem to be a confusing contradiction.

Given that consent is "the" guiding principle of sexual activity, how can sex involving non-consent be, err, consensual? A valid query! Fortunately, CNC can be a liberating (and yes, completely consensual) experience with advanced communication, trust, research, and consent. Whether you're interested in consensual non-consent yourself and want to know how to practice it safely, have a partner who wants to experiment with CNC play, or simply want to learn more about this fantasy, here is all the information you need to know about consensual non-consent.

What does consent non-consent entail? "Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) is a roleplaying activity that involves two or more people and imitates some kind of forced activity. It might be sexual or otherwise, "according to associate professor at Widener University's Center for Human Sexuality Studies and AASECT-certified sex therapist Sabetha Pillai-Friedman, PhD.

 Contrary to popular belief, rape play refers to a particular type of role playing, whereas CNC is a general term that can refer to all aspects of a dominant and submissive relationship. Nevertheless, neither expression implies that "anything goes." Open communication and enthusiastic consent should always come first in any sexual encounter, including those involving CNC.

The most crucial CNC guiding principles, according to Pillai-Friedman, are participant consent; explicit discussion of each other's hard and soft limits; and clear negotiation of expectations. During sexual activity, how does CNC look? Even if you've never experienced consensual non-consent before, the most typical CNC scenarios involve sexual acts that you may have already experienced or heard of.

According to Pillai-Friedman, some of the most common ones include "use of blindfolds and restraints; bondage; flogging; forced orgasm; edging (the act of drawing out stimulation for a long period of time); and orgasm denial through bondage." Tim Woodman, an adult entertainer and member of the APAC board, points out that CNC scenarios can be as basic as someone suddenly putting their hand over their partner's as they make terrified protest noises during sex.

Perhaps one person holds the other down a little harder, or the other weakly pushes as if trying to break free, and he continues. If performed in more extreme forms, CNC plays "might involve a staged break-in with ski masks and even fake weapons, or blindfolding someone and putting them in a van and taking them to another location like a hotel or the woods." Woodman cautions that just because you might be into extreme scenarios, like staged "kidnapping," doesn't mean that the public has given its consent to view your role-playing fantasy.

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