Sexing Up My Childhood Bedroom | Rape Sex Movies


 

My boyfriend is coming into town tonight so I read an article called “5 Ways to Rape Sex Movies Up Your Bedroom.” I wish it was called “5 Ways to Sex Up Your Childhood Bedroom in Your Parents House Because You Still Live at Home You Loser” but we can’t always get what we want. Here are the tips I have learned. Sheets with an undulating wavy water pattern stimulate our watery, emotional nature.

 First things first: Bed Bath & Beyond. “Excuse me, do you have any undulating wavy patterned sheets?” “Undulating?” the Bed Bath Man asked, “Undulating,” I said. He showed me some blue sheets, and some sheets with zig-zags. “Like this?” he asked. “No, smoother lines. More wavy. Something that stimulates our watery, emotional nature. This one looks more like a schizophrenic nature,” I said. I was starting to get frustrated.

Why was this so hard? I eventually gave up and decided I’d just use my regular sheets, but mist them a little before my boyfriend got there, possibly with a spray bottle. Clean and unclutter your bedroom. By doing this, the possibilities are endless for decorating and accessorizing your room to make it a sexier haven. I guess I was supposed to unclutter so that I could accessorize. That sounded about right. So I threw all my clothes into the trash and decorated the room with Precious Moments figurines, mostly depicting the birth of Jesus, and also soccer tournaments.

What says “sexy haven” like a small big-eyed baby wedding? Then I hung some flowy scarves around, to remind him of sex. The allure of the bedroom happens with the color you choose for the walls. Visit your paint store and ask for suggestions. So I did. “Excuse me, do you have any sexy paint colors? I’m trying to make my bedroom alluring.” “What types of colors are you looking for?” asked the Sherwin Williams Man. Why was everyone making my day so hard? Why couldn’t anyone just help me out? I wasn’t asking for much.

 He showed me one color called Latin Zest, but it wasn’t right. “Should we Google it?” he asked. He was so useless. We ended up Googling “sexy paint” on the store computer, and the first thing that came up was Black Satin. “I’ll take it,” I said. Choose wall hangings or pictures that are sensual and/or soothing; no photos of your kids or your mom and dad staring at you! I went home and painted my room Black Satin, occasionally misting my bed sheets while waiting for each coat to dry. XHUB.TV

 

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